#miscarriage support

[cheerfullycatholic]

Held in Hope creates and distributes miscarriage kits to support and equip women through first trimester pregnancy loss. Our kits are distributed through OBGYNs, Emergency Departments, Midwife practices, care centers, and we now ship boxes throughout the United States.

[aftertheheavydrinking]

4

December 16, 2023: I entered the testing area of the diagnostic center and was instructed to empty my bladder before the TransV Ultrasound started. Same as the last diagnostic center we went to, taking photos and videos is also not allowed here. Additionally, only patients are permitted inside the Ultrasound Room, leaving my husband and son waiting outside the door which was unsettling. The OB-Sonologist finally inserted the thingymajiggy inside me after the previous condoms burst twice, stating that I’m resisting it. (Tho, I’m not. I’m just tight like that. Chos. Hahaha.)

___

Following the events from my last post, my OB-GYN recommended continuing with my current medication and emphasized the importance of religiously taking Duphaston as it would help with my Subchorionic Hemorrhage. She highlighted the need for me to rest, suggested reducing my intake of sugary foods and liquids, and mentioned scheduling a blood sugar test after a month of fasting. Internally, I sense that my OB-GYN might be downplaying my actual condition, perhaps to shield me from unnecessary stress.

I continued with my daily routine, the difference from my previous pregnancy and this pregnancy is that getting enough sleep is a challenge. My shift begins at 10:00 PM, typically, I wrap up all my tasks by 4:00 AM just to be prepared in case I start feeling sleepy. I inform my agents, take a break, and return by 5:30 to 6:00 AM. I consolidate my lunch and breaks into one, perks of working from home then I end my shift at 7:00 AM with all tasks completed. I'm really proud of myself and my multi-tasking skills.

___

While she’s doing her thing with the thingymajiggy, I shared with her the previous result, which she confirmed—indicating that I indeed have Subchorionic Hemorrhage.However, her next words sent a shiver through my spine, making me want to scream and crumble. “May nadinig ka bang heartbeat sa first ultrasound mo? Kasi wala akong madinig ngayon e. Sana mali ako…” I'm at a loss for words. I can't seem to recall if I heard any heartbeat myself, but suddenly, I remembered the previous results etched into my memory. Meron, 118bpm yata yun e. The doctor adjusted the monitor to face me, displaying my uterus, the supposed location of the hemorrhage, and my baby's placement. “Kung may heartbeat na narerecognize ang machine dapat mag-iiba yung color ng lining sa screen. Pero look oh, tahimik. Wala talaga mommy e.” The only way for me to navigate the situation is to quickly go on defense mode. From an emotionally charged Cancer Woman to being the Dark-Humored Girly that I am. “Doc, check mo ulit, baka bobo lang ‘yan, nakalimutan tumibok.” She looked at me with visible pity and concluded the session with, "Indicate ko nalang lahat dito, then just show it to your OB-GYN, mommy, okay? Okay na po. Balikan mo nalang result maybe after 1-2 hours, mommy.“ I quietly walked out the door and found my husband waiting outside with our only child, my only baby. Searching my eyes, he immediately sensed something was wrong and asked what's going on. I quickly and quietly replied, “Wag dito, dun na sa labas.”

Entering the car, I broke down. I cried and cried and cried some more. My intense and loud crying likely scared my 9-year-old son. He cupped my cheeks, making the sincerest effort to comfort and console me, helping me regain my composure as I held onto his hands. Meanwhile, my other hand received small kisses from my husband. I tried so hard to reiterate what had transpired inside the ultrasound room as clearly and completely as I could. And then we cried some more.

With my side of the family currently out of the country, my husband chose to drive to his parents' place for some much-needed comfort. His sisters and I decided to go out and eat, not fully accepting the reality of the situation. We’re laughing about various unrelated topics, all the while pretending that everything is still okay.

Driving home, tears flowed once again. The weight of my OB-GYN's response to the message I left regarding the result hung heavily in my mind: “Intayin mo na lang duguin ka, bago kita raspahin.” It was a statement I was never prepared to hear or read.

___

More to come.

[draquus]

As a poor, semi-disabled, almost-40-year-old woman, everything having to do with my uterus is kind of terrifying. I worry about getting pregnant again. I worry that I'll never have a daughter. I worry about how I would manage if I did have more children. I just had a period where I was bleeding so much I thought I might have to go to the ER, and my doctor says it was most likely either a miscarriage or a sign of impending menopause, and both of those ideas are so contradictory and so connected and so emotionally fraught. It's rough right now.

The worst part is living in a world where 95% of the advice on how to manage all these difficulties is violence. Your uterus is causing you problems? Burn it, cut it, twist metal into it. Make it inhospitable to life. Take the nurturer of life and make it a wasteland, but don't stop sending children there. Kill the children you're afraid of losing. Feed your anxiety on the blood of innocents.

There's this idea that birth control and abortion make women free and strong and independent. That anyone who would dare subject women to inconvenience and even danger is a horrible, controlling abuser. That this is how we make strong, bold women.

Let me tell you something. I have seen strong, bold women. Women who don't hide their miscarriages, but actually talk to each other and support each other. Women who are not dependent on surgeries and pharmaceuticals, but actually understand how their bodies work better than some doctors. Women who have husbands who are invested in the health and lives of their wives and children. Women who suffer, and endure, and come to the other side full of joy.

My anxiety doesn't make me stronger, it makes me weaker. Fighting it, doing the hard thing, being humble and asking for God's help, that's where the actual strength is. When I say my kids are a blessing, I don't mean that in an easy, #Blessed, happy-go-lucky looks good on Instagram way. I mean it in the way food is a blessing, health is a blessing, LIFE is a blessing. You know it most when it's the hardest to come by.

We live in a world that tells us to quietly kill so that we never have to face death. Death to self, death of self, death of children, death of our own bodies as they age. But death is so much more terrifying when you let it lurk in the corners. It's powerful when it hides in the shadows. But look it in the eye? Well, you can't do it alone. But when you find you're not alone, that's when you can begin to be brave.

[extasiswings]

I saw the post about Catholic hospitals I reblogged yesterday again and glanced at the notes (…yeah…yikes) and because this is a special interest of mine and a particular pet peeve—

No, people cannot just “choose” in most cases to go to a non-Catholic hospital (or other healthcare facility). Four of the 10 largest U.S. healthcare systems are Catholic systems. Something like 1 in every 6 hospital beds nationwide is in a Catholic hospital and in some states, more than 40% of the hospital beds are in Catholic hospitals.

And, because of mergers between Catholic hospitals and non-Catholic hospitals, people may not even be aware that they are in a Catholic facility governed by the Ethical and Religious Directives (ERDs), which, BY THE WAY, outright prohibit or otherwise seriously curtail the provision of a LOT of different health services (not limited to abortion specifically or even reproductive healthcare more broadly). But even if the ERDs were limited to prohibiting abortion (although again I feel compelled to point out that the ERDs consider things like regular miscarriage management to be abortion), that shouldn’t matter? If you are in the business of providing healthcare, and especially if you receive incredible amounts of federal funding out of taxpayer dollars to do so, you should not be allowed to refuse to provide normal healthcare to patients (many of whom are not Catholic) because you are following the whims of the USCCB, which, last I checked, was not composed of medical doctors or other medical experts and is not qualified to tell large swaths of non-Catholic medical professionals how to practice medicine to meet their own professional obligations for standard-of-care treatment.

[jasontoddstherapist]

PSA |

Yes this is a Jason Peter Todd centric blog, but it's also 100% supportive of Talia al Ghul. There will be no slander here. No perpetuating of the racist, misogynistic bullshit that drove the narrative divebomb of her character.

[calliopechild]

Listen, I wouldn't normally cite Cosmo as support for an argument, but I can't think of anything that sums up the dangers of the stay-at-home girlfriend/tradwife nonsense like this quote:

“If you give a man the power to feed you, he also has the power to starve you.”

[the-kipsabian]

i truly hope penelope is okay

after the baby announcement at double or nothing (along with few others now), and her instagram post about their miscarriage that very same morning, people have just been tagging her left and right in CONGRATS posts, which is absolutely vile and disgusting cause apparently nobody knows how to read

she deserves so much better. i really, really hope shes doing well

[alostbeautynomore]

Decided I’m going to do something as a memorial for my angel babies. Since there is no grave to visit I think I may get a snow globe (I collect them and they are my favorite) in memory of them. It’s something to be able to look at when I feel sad but also something that I love so I’m hoping that helps. Also called psych and got an appt for Tuesday… battling depression sucks but hopefully an increase in my meds will help. Also I was looking through my old pics and I came across the picture of the sac (yes I know that sounds gross but I was scared when I passed it and wanted to show my dr) and I just realized I can see the shape of my little babe (#2). I feel so nauseous. I wish I saw this before. I think I was so upset I couldn’t even process it all before. But yup that’s hitting my heart hard. Send good vibes bc this girl is going through hell over here

[phantom-curve]

I would very much like for this week/month/year/everything to be over

[dear-mahal-ko]

I wish i knew

It hurts knowing I lost you in a short amount of time. I don’t know if ill ever be okay. But i know you are my guiding angel. I think about holding you in my arms. I had a name for you with Gods whisper telling me what to name you. I miss the small talks in the mornings. Mama ❤️

I don’t know how to to be okay right now. It pains me enough to block the pain God has reasons for to take you away from me. I feel like its karma. Looking at the days you would call me Mama and tell me you want something in your sweet voice.

You heartbeat will always live in my heart as I heard it for the last and first time. I will miss you Zion. Mama loves you Zee 🤍

Have arthur take care of you there cuz he knows i would love you as much as I do with the people that I love.

[skywalking-through-life]

Sorry for the unusually real and personal chaplain thoughts, but I need to put this into the ether, because it needs to go somewhere that isn't just inside me: days where I go from sitting with a family in the grief of miscarriage to joyfully celebrating and blessing the arrival of a long-awaited healthy child with a different family (in the span of half an hour) are days where the spiritual and emotional whiplash of my job really smacks me in the face.

[shir0ch4ns-art]

TW// MISCARRIAGE

I know that this isn't what I usually post or even have on this blog but like I feel like I'm gonna scream or break down if I just don't put this down on some form of like "physical" words.

This got really long and does kinda goes through the emotions felt so I suggest not clicking the read more if you're not in a good space to read this

As the trigger warning suggests, I just had a miscarriage. The same fucking day I did a pregnancy test. It was simultaneously the best and worst day of my life. I had started off kinda scared and nervous but it also just confirmed my suspicions for the past few weeks since I missed my period. I then just felt so happy, like I was on cloud 9 the whole morning. I went to work I called my mom I was on the phone until I had to officially open the store (I was on opening shift so I'm there half an hour early to prepare) I was just so happy. Then I noticed some spotting and then some more spotting and finally I caught the tiniest bit of red and I fucking left. I told my lead what was happening, and they were just shoving me out the door. I left work 2 hours early and then spent literally the whole day at the Urgent Care just to get a fucking "we don't know". I was a bit mad then but I have since realized that I had detected my pregnancy super early and most people don't even realize they're pregnant until way later on, I'm just super observant of my monthly because it's a bit irregular. And with that it would be extremely hard to tell what was happening. They put me on bed rest for 2 days and to go back the second day. I was bleeding so much between then that I just knew I had miscarried but I was deluding myself into thinking that I was wrong that maybe it was something else, something that can be fixed or maybe I was freaking out over nothing. Only to go in and do some blood work that I got the result back from before the UC doctor did and just...blue screened. I knew, I waited in that waiting room with my husband and mom for the confirmation but I knew. And just like that it was gone.

I'm devastated and angry because logically I know there's no reason, logically I know this just happens sometimes, logically I know it was nothing I did or didn't do...but emotionally I wanna know why, why did this happen, how did this happen so quickly, seriously what the fuck happened. I'm mad because I didn't even get a chance to see what kind of person it would have been, I didn't get a chance to see this potential person grow up, I didn't even get a chance to at least hold them. And I'm just gonna mention it right now that I am vehemently pro-choice and I don't want my use of referring to what wasn't even an embryo at the stage I lost my pregnancy as a potential person to be used for pro-life rhetoric. I don't make this threat casually or at all but I will fucking block and flag you if you do. I'm referring to it as a potential person because I actually wanted this pregnancy not because it was even a life at the point of miscarriage, if I hadn't done a pregnancy test I would have thought it was just a really late really bad period. But I did, and I knew, and that's what's making it so hard to fully come to terms with. It wasn't entirely planned but it was wanted and that hurts.

I'm doing better now, I have a really good support web of friends and family that have helped me through these past few days. My husband being the most supportive one and being my rock throughout this. I'm not even sure why I'm making this post but if anyone else in my position sees this and find some kind of comfort that they're not alone in this and that yes their feelings of despair and anger are valid and that just having someone else experience the same makes them feel less alone then I'll leave this up. I might delete this later or I might forget but if it helps then I'll purposely leave it up.

I nicknamed it capsicum since it made me crave spicy foods like no tomorrow.

[aftertheheavydrinking]

3

December 10, 2023: Looking in the mirror, the weariness of recent days showed on my face, making even simple tasks like getting ready for a bath a bit challenging. I couldn't help but laugh at my reflection, because I look a bit of an effin' homeless hobo. My growing bump, feeling a bit heavy and seemed bigger than expected, is a typical trait from my Poppa's side of the family. Memories of a similar experience with my first baby, JD, made me smile. I miss JD being a baby. He’s so big now.

Despite the restlessness, my dedication to the creature inside me remains strong. I continue to take Duphaston, Pre-Natal Vitamins, and Anmum to ensure that whatever it is inside me remains healthy. I am still adjusting from my new norm of working from home but today felt different; I woke up feeling a little better from getting a good night’s sleep which was a relief from the preceding restless and insomnia driven days then I decided, it’s time for my 1st TransV Ultrasound.

En route to the diagnostic center, a thought crossed my mind: is it safe to ride a motorcycle in my condition? A thought I quickly dismissed. There’s not much of a line there compared to hospitals, I had other preggy tests done first, then came the ultrasound. Excitement built as I prepared to see my baby for the first time, I prepared my phone putting it on record when I noticed a sign saying that taking photo’s and video’s are not allowed. It frustrated me since I remember it being okay during JD’s time. How will I see my baby moving in my tummy when I’m at home, tho?

The Sonoligist already inserted the thingymajiggy inside me when I noticed a sudden change in her face, then came in the question, “Nagsspotting ka ba?” I answered, “No, why? May problema po ba?” My heart raced as I bombarded her with all sorts of questions, but the stupid bitch’s only response was “Pabasa mo nalang sa OB mo, or kung gusto mo dito ka na pacheck-up?” I tried so hard not to punch her in the face, I kept my cool and told her “It’s okay, mabilis naman mag respond and OB-GYN ko sa mga messages ko, salamat.” My husband stared at me, aware that this bitch’s testing of my patience was pushing my pregnant limits. On our way out of the room, a word she uttered to her assistant grabbed my attention; “Subchorionic Hemorrhage”.

My heart races fast because such a big word must mean something really bad. While calmly waiting for the Transvaginal Ultrasound results, the receptionist hands me my other preggy test results, assuring everything is normal except for my elevated blood sugar. Which was ironic, considering my pregnancy cravings revolve around all things mango. Yet, this was the least of my worry, as I've already googled the unfamiliar term voiced by the sonologist.

Despite our initial plans to visit my in-laws, my husband decided to head home, driving his motorcycle obnoxiously slow, somewhat realizing that using the motorcycle today might not have been his best choice. Anxiously, I clutch my stomach, praying that whatever it is inside me is fine.

Praying and hoping that everything will be fine.

—

More to come.

[jessiejanie]

Mother’s Day 🌷

(TW: Miscarriage and Loss)

Happy Mother’s Day! I hope all the lovely mummies, aunties and nannies had the most wonderful day.

Also, Happy Mother’s Day to ; mums of fur babies, mums who have lost children or those who have lost mothers, those who are pregnant, trying or desperate to be a mum.

Mothers Day can be hard for some. I, myself, find Mother’s Day quite hard as this should have been my second Mother’s Day. I had a very early miscarriage when I was 22. I had found out I was pregnant in the morning and by the evening I had lost my baby/foetus (however you’d like to put it). I was devastated and it took me 6 months to even tell anyone. The father did not care, nor did I expect him to - he wasn’t that sort of person - but my heart was shattered.

Since I can remember, I have been desperate to be a mum. I ache for a child. Every time I get my period, I have a little cry for myself and we (me and my current partner) aren’t even trying just yet. I have never wanted anything more.

Remember when you were younger and someone asked what you wanted to be when you grew up? Many would say teacher, policeman/policewoman or even a super hero. I always just wanted to be a mum. And I know I will be again one day but for now, my heart hurts every Mother’s Day.I find some strength in the knowledge that, one day, I will have another child who will be guided by the one I lost from above or maybe even have their features that I never got to see but can only imagine.

I feel so deeply with others who have experienced this loss and longing. I hope you know you’re not alone💖

[eowyn-igneelcheshire]

All of this ^^^^

Except that when they were talking about the "mammals have fewer offspring during difficult times" they weren't being complicit (in fact the idea that capitalists are the problem is the exact opposite of being complicit) nor were they ignoring the fact that men are oppressing and controlling women, they were just pointing out an additional issue. Women aren't having kids because a) like you said, there's few men worth having kids with and b) no one can afford kids.

I agree with you I just wanted to point that out. /Gen /non-aggressive (not trying to start an argument)

[wisterianwoman]

I had a miscarriage... & it wasn't what I expected

There are billions of women who've experienced the pain of miscarriage. Often alone, in silence, and in shame. We don't talk about it. We don't share our stories. I don't want to, but I will. For our grief, and for anyone who it helps to feel less alone.

There are billions of women all throughout time who have experienced the pain of miscarriage. Often alone, in silence, and in shame. We don’t talk about it. We don’t share our stories. We don’t want to. I don’t want to, but I will. For our grief, and for anyone who this helps to feel less alone. the fear It was April 30th, and I had a feeling I was pregnant. Something about the way my body…